Disinfranchise

An up and coming contender to the theory of evolution is an idea called "Intelligent Design". This hypothesis states that some kind of intelligence created all life, as it is too complex to have "just happened". Although many of the proponents of this theory happen to be Christian Fundamentalists it is hard to simply brand the theory as "Obviously Religious Idiocy Parading as Science".

Among the many arguments for ID is the following thought experiment:

Imagine a tornado blowing through a scrap yard. It is completely infeasible for us to expect that the random blowing about of mechanical items would ever form something as complex as a Boeing 747. However, we are expected to believe that random mutations over time formed human beings who are much more complicated than a 747.

Admittedly this is not so much an argument for Intelligent Design as it is a fallacious and misleading argument against evolution but the point still stands. Despite not having the ability to fly it is hard to argue against the claim that human beings are more complicated than a plane.

As we all know, evolution clearly states that we randomly evolved from monkeys and, before that, rocks. It is, as they say, infeasible.

Some scientists arrogantly dismiss ID out of hand, stating that is not science because it

"cannot be tested by experiment, does not generate any predictions, and proposes no new hypotheses of their own."

but that's just being picky - You could make the same argument about babies (except for the bit about experimenting on them) but those same scientists would not dare suggest that we should kill every child in the world. The hypocrisy of the status quo rears again.

One of the most insightful and revealing books that explain Intelligent Design is "Of Pandas and people", a scientific tome that explores the strong foundational evidence for ID and points out the structural weaknesses in evolution - the foundations of which, it turns out, are entirely composed of jelly.

Although an excellent textbook it does drop the ball slightly in one chapter, in which the title of the book is mistaken for one of the tenets of evolution. This segment, impeccably researched and written, spends a total of fifty-seven pages destroying the myth that pandas and people are identical in every way. The chapter rails hard against the claim and can, perhaps, be summed up with the first three sentences from the chapter itself:

"Pandas are nothing like people. They are covered in hair ALL OVER and eat mainly bamboo. No people I've ever met have even tasted bamboo!"

This chapter has since been removed from further editions.

All in all, this seems like a very exciting and promising scientific idea. Let's hope things develop on this front. Disinfranchise, as ever, will keep you posted.

De-Motivational Posters, I love 'em so much that if I don't see thirty to forty thousand of them a week I feel physically sick. So I've got together a collection of my favourite from around the internet. Here they are! Enjoy!

I think we can all move on now. I'll stop if everyone else does.

For those of you who want a handy quick reference guide to the planets (and star) within our solar system you're in luck!

There comes a time in every being's life - whether that being happens to be a man, a woman or an ant - that he/she/it has to stand on his/her/it's own 2/6 feet and take responsibility for their actions or the actions of their hive.

Like the ant, mankind can sometimes have difficulty in squaring away the reality of a situation with their pre-conceived notions on how things "should be". This can be seen in sharp focus with the advent of the new "death phone" from Nokia. Although the idea of a phone that can contact the dead may at first seem like a good idea, owners of the device are finding out that this blessing may, in fact, be a bear in sheep's clothing (wool). It seems, in the end, that it's time for Nokia to stand on it's tendrils and take their share of the responsibility for the ever increasing tsunami of irritation they have unleashed.

The first ten-thousand units of Nokia's death phone - a name they are trying to "bury", encouraging consumers to call the phone by it's official name the "N-Counter" - were shipped early in quarter two of 2008, and after initially good response things started going wrong for Nokia.

Customers began complaining that certain members of the afterlife were calling them in the middle of the night and asking them what time it was. Multiple reports of phones being called constantly, for hours on end, with only a single phrase being shouted upon answering: "Fuck the living!". It seemed, to those who had parted with their hard earned cash for this prestige gadget, that The Dead were mostly idiots.

We spoke to Nokia and managed to get the following response, off the record, from one anonymous tipster:

"It's not as though they're all idiots, it's just there's lots of people who are both dead and idiots, and with no reprisals for their actions they just go about acting like dicks all the time."

Like previous Nokia "revolutions" in the N-Series, such as the N-Gage, the N-Trance and the N-Trails, the N-Counter has promised great things but ended up little more than a mobile phone.

New from Panasonic, Chrono Clogs, are an ingenious new footwear that allow you to stroll through time as though it were possible. The shoes work as normal foot coverings in normal use but by walking perpendicular to reality you can travel through time itself, visiting ancient Rome and the distant future as easily as you could walk to Swindon. The shoes, as you might expect come with a hefty price tag, but this is purely a security measure, and the price written on the tag is a very reasonable £69.99.

Head of Panasonics new shoe division Joan Lacklustrename was quoted as saying "the shoes are great fun! I've been using mine to steal time travelling shoes from the future!"

Imagine what you could do with a pear - eat it, for instance - but imagine if that pear had time travelling shoes. You could "Fruitime" it!

Well the possibilities are endless. Personally I have travelled forward in to the future where a well crafted joke about time travelling shoes has been constructe and everyone loves it. Then returning to the present day I have forever sullied that joke for future use. How do you like that Alan?

Time travelling shoes are available from all good stockists and do not exist.