Disinform's blog

Intelligent Design: Destroyer of Evolution?

An up and coming contender to the theory of evolution is an idea called "Intelligent Design". This hypothesis states that some kind of intelligence created all life, as it is too complex to have "just happened". Although many of the proponents of this theory happen to be Christian Fundamentalists it is hard to simply brand the theory as "Obviously Religious Idiocy Parading as Science".

Among the many arguments for ID is the following thought experiment:

Imagine a tornado blowing through a scrap yard. It is completely infeasible for us to expect that the random blowing about of mechanical items would ever form something as complex as a Boeing 747. However, we are expected to believe that random mutations over time formed human beings who are much more complicated than a 747.

Admittedly this is not so much an argument for Intelligent Design as it is a fallacious and misleading argument against evolution but the point still stands. Despite not having the ability to fly it is hard to argue against the claim that human beings are more complicated than a plane.

As we all know, evolution clearly states that we randomly evolved from monkeys and, before that, rocks. It is, as they say, infeasible.

Some scientists arrogantly dismiss ID out of hand, stating that is not science because it

"cannot be tested by experiment, does not generate any predictions, and proposes no new hypotheses of their own."

but that's just being picky - You could make the same argument about babies (except for the bit about experimenting on them) but those same scientists would not dare suggest that we should kill every child in the world. The hypocrisy of the status quo rears again.

One of the most insightful and revealing books that explain Intelligent Design is "Of Pandas and people", a scientific tome that explores the strong foundational evidence for ID and points out the structural weaknesses in evolution - the foundations of which, it turns out, are entirely composed of jelly.

Although an excellent textbook it does drop the ball slightly in one chapter, in which the title of the book is mistaken for one of the tenets of evolution. This segment, impeccably researched and written, spends a total of fifty-seven pages destroying the myth that pandas and people are identical in every way. The chapter rails hard against the claim and can, perhaps, be summed up with the first three sentences from the chapter itself:

"Pandas are nothing like people. They are covered in hair ALL OVER and eat mainly bamboo. No people I've ever met have even tasted bamboo!"

This chapter has since been removed from further editions.

All in all, this seems like a very exciting and promising scientific idea. Let's hope things develop on this front. Disinfranchise, as ever, will keep you posted.

Around The Houses is back!

Welcome to "Around The Houses!" - the game show in which we literally go around some houses. This week, we'll be going around 52 Westington Road, Cheswick, on a skateboard. So, join us for some exciting fun as we go "Around The Houses!"

That kind of introduction to a TV show was all too common in the eighties, indeed "Around The Houses" was an idea I pitched to ITV at the time. They were markedly impressed with the opening "mission statement" but found the idea of just going around a house on a differing method of transportation every week a tad banal. I persevered, stood firm, and refused to allow any kind of quiz element to invade the show and also would not retract from my concept that the same singular house always be used with no variation, and eventually they agreed to go forward with a pilot.

Of course we were all heart broken when the pilot failed to achieve the kind of viewing figures it actually deserved. I remember the call as though it were yesterday. Gary Frost, the then chief commissioning editor for the network, rang and gave me the news, regretfully informing me that it would not be "going to series". I cried for weeks. Once the pain had subsided I decided I should put the whole incident behind me and forget all about the show. It would forever remain the golden nugget of perfection that was never recognised as such.

However, a few weeks ago I received a call from Gary, who has now moved to the Sky Network - the television front-end for Rupert Murdoch's space-based laser platform system, Astra - informing me that he had just suggested the show be made for Sky One, as a vehicle for Sky-faced presenter Cat Deeley. I jumped at the chance, as you can well imagine, and so I can now confirm "Around The Sky Houses!" will be taking over from the Simpson's in the Autumn. I've not picked the house yet but if you have any suggestions then please drop me a line.

It's very exciting to be moving back to doing the show, and it's also great fun to be catching up with old friends. Gary's changed a lot since last I knew him. He prefixes many more words with "Sky" than he used to, for instance. But it was nice to see him again, and hear all about his "Sky-work", as he calls it.

Yet More Fucking De-Motivational Posters

De-Motivational Posters, I love 'em so much that if I don't see thirty to forty thousand of them a week I feel physically sick. So I've got together a collection of my favourite from around the internet. Here they are! Enjoy!

I think we can all move on now. I'll stop if everyone else does.

You'll be Surprised What a Good Psychic Can't Do

Like many people, I always thought that psychics held sway over the very forces of nature, controlling the very essence of Gaia, with their dimension-hopping brains. It came as some kind of shock, then, to find out that there are certain things even the best psychics can't quite achieve.

Now, I'm not getting this from one of your wackos, this is from the Psychic Weblog - literally a weblog about psychics.

Most people have unrealistic expectations when it comes to psychic reading and this is probably because they’re desperate for answers in a difficult situation. However, it’s good to remember that psychics are also human and make mistakes just like the rest of us. So try not to ask to much of the person doing the reading for you.

So there you have it. Psychics are mere mortal humans just like you, me and Ben Stiller. They're very much fallable, and you should remember that the next time your having the lines on your hand translated into English. But don't think it's all a waste.

[T]here is no doubt that some times we could all benefit from seeing a good psychic. Especially when we are fearful, confused and lost.

There's no argument there. If you're fearful and confused then a psychic's obviously your best bet. But lets take a closer look at what a psychic can't do.

...pick your winning lottery numbers...

There's no explanation given here. I'm guessing it's because Camelot have put a psychic shield up around the lottery machines so that it's fair for everyone.

...cast a spell to bring back your loved one...

And why is this? Is it because, as some people suggest, "spells" and "magic" are "a load of old bollocks"? No, of course not. The answer is much more obvious:

...All souls on this planet have free will, so no amount of spells will make them come back to you if they don’t want to....

That's right. They'd rather be dead than be with you. They could come back, they just don't want to. And who could blame them?

...not tell you stupid things like what did you have for lunch two days ago, or what did you have for breakfast today...

That would be boring. Admittedly it would also be evidence but who wants to spend time talking about what you had for dinner when you could be chatting to a ghost?

...It is unrealistic for it to expect a psychic to always have the right answers...

What do you think they are? Psychic?

I'd recommend everyone go and visit this wonderous mass of information. It's a beautiful blog, and it's just a shame that it only has one entry.

Still, it's number 1 on Google for "psychic weblog". Kudos.

Phone Line to The Afterlife is "Annoying"

There comes a time in every being's life - whether that being happens to be a man, a woman or an ant - that he/she/it has to stand on his/her/it's own 2/6 feet and take responsibility for their actions or the actions of their hive.

Like the ant, mankind can sometimes have difficulty in squaring away the reality of a situation with their pre-conceived notions on how things "should be". This can be seen in sharp focus with the advent of the new "death phone" from Nokia. Although the idea of a phone that can contact the dead may at first seem like a good idea, owners of the device are finding out that this blessing may, in fact, be a bear in sheep's clothing (wool). It seems, in the end, that it's time for Nokia to stand on it's tendrils and take their share of the responsibility for the ever increasing tsunami of irritation they have unleashed.

The first ten-thousand units of Nokia's death phone - a name they are trying to "bury", encouraging consumers to call the phone by it's official name the "N-Counter" - were shipped early in quarter two of 2008, and after initially good response things started going wrong for Nokia.

Customers began complaining that certain members of the afterlife were calling them in the middle of the night and asking them what time it was. Multiple reports of phones being called constantly, for hours on end, with only a single phrase being shouted upon answering: "Fuck the living!". It seemed, to those who had parted with their hard earned cash for this prestige gadget, that The Dead were mostly idiots.

We spoke to Nokia and managed to get the following response, off the record, from one anonymous tipster:

"It's not as though they're all idiots, it's just there's lots of people who are both dead and idiots, and with no reprisals for their actions they just go about acting like dicks all the time."

Like previous Nokia "revolutions" in the N-Series, such as the N-Gage, the N-Trance and the N-Trails, the N-Counter has promised great things but ended up little more than a mobile phone.

Pace Watch

It's all about the poker, at the moment, for Norman. He's currently presenting The Open on Sky Poker and, in his own words is "hooked on poker". This revealing interview on dusktilldawnpoker.com really blows the lid on Norman's infatuation with the "game".

Norman's not just been playing poker recently, though. He also hosted the Ladbrokes cruise in the Caribbean, and with Norman's paranoid delusions about being stalked by fish that can't have been an easy "gig".

So is it all go for Norman? Is he managing to squeeze any down time in at the moment? Well we're not sure. But, as Norman himself says, from the horses mouth:

It’s all about poker! It’s a beautiful game and I commend Rob Yong for making Dusk Till Dawn happen, even with all these fish about LOL!

It's all about the poker, indeed!

Remember, Disinfranchise is your number one source of Norman Pace news. If you have any news to report email us on normanpacescoops@disinfranchise.co.uk and keep everyone up to date.

Time Travel Shoes Could Make You Millions

New from Panasonic, Chrono Clogs, are an ingenious new footwear that allow you to stroll through time as though it were possible. The shoes work as normal foot coverings in normal use but by walking perpendicular to reality you can travel through time itself, visiting ancient Rome and the distant future as easily as you could walk to Swindon. The shoes, as you might expect come with a hefty price tag, but this is purely a security measure, and the price written on the tag is a very reasonable £69.99.

Head of Panasonics new shoe division Joan Lacklustrename was quoted as saying "the shoes are great fun! I've been using mine to steal time travelling shoes from the future!"

Imagine what you could do with a pear - eat it, for instance - but imagine if that pear had time travelling shoes. You could "Fruitime" it!

Well the possibilities are endless. Personally I have travelled forward in to the future where a well crafted joke about time travelling shoes has been constructe and everyone loves it. Then returning to the present day I have forever sullied that joke for future use. How do you like that Alan?

Time travelling shoes are available from all good stockists and do not exist.

Holiday Hell

The following via reuters:

When on holiday Michael Radio never expected to be put to work in a salt mine, yet a clerical error, by Thomas Cook, meant his entire holiday was one of menial chores and hard labour.

It's a common problem that people's holidays fail to live up to expectations but in Michael Radio's case not only did it fail to live up to his expectations it left him physically and emotionally crippled.

The holiday was meant to be a week long break in Portugal, booked with Thomas Cook, but due to a "clerical error" Michael and his family spent 3 months in Syria working in a salt mine.

"It was really terrible," Michael told The News, "the food was scarce, the rooms were damp and grotty and every night we were stabbed in the face with broken glass until we fell asleep."

My daughter, Katie, was only 4 and when the guards discovered she was unable to lift a pick axe she was tortured to death by being beaten with a hammer.

Michael's wife, Julie (32), remembers one occasion when she collapsed through exhaustion.

"I can laugh about it now but at the time it was really bad. If I close my eyes I can still picture the guard urinating on my face and shouting at me to get up. There were points when I thought I was going to drown in his piss."

Thomas Cook has apologised to Michael and promised him a full refund.

Paleontologists Car Scam

If you receive an email claiming to be from a someone who valets cars for £5 then DO NOT REPLY - IT IS A SCAM. Paleontologists from the West Thurrock area have been scamming thousands throughout the region with this email, and are beginning to move nationwide.

The email states that the "£5 valeting service" is "ace" and "not a scam" but it is (a scam - it is not ace).

On replying to the email a second email will be sent asking you to take your car to some secluded area, leave the keys in the ignition and walk away - "this is necessary for the cleaning process" the email states. It is not.

On returning to your vehicle after the allotted time you will find your car has been vanished.

Please forward this message on to everyone you can. So far 6.2 billion cars have been lost - make sure yours is not next!

On This Day In 2004

I was in the post office recently - truth be told it was four years ago - at the back of a very slow moving queue.

As I slowly moved along this queue (to the front) I passed what I considered to be an interesting display. It was a cardboard box/stand thing - no doubt you've seen them - a few words of advertisement-wisdom (wisdertisement) surrounding a hollow compartment in which the product itself lays. In this case Sellotape.

Fair enough, people use Sellotape, you're in the Post Office - it's quite possible you might be purchasing some Sellotape related products (such as envelopes that aren't really sticky enough) - so why not get some?

All well and good. Literally. The confusing thing, at least to me, was why the advertising bods at Sellotape (The Sell Sellotape Department, I imagine they're called - they've made a sign and stuck it to the wall with Sellotape) had chosen to emblazon the phrase "As Seen on TV!!!" in a spiky bubble, prominently on the side.

It's as though Sellotape had thought "I think we should try and bolster our image. Lets say we've been on TV - I'm sure Bergerac used to stick things together quite a lot."

I'm petitioning Sellotape, right here, to change that [spiky] bubble to read "As Seen on TV!!! And every fucking where else - it's Sellotape for fucks sake." What do you think my chances are?

Syndicate content
Powered by Drupal, an open source content management system