There comes a time in every being's life - whether that being happens to be a man, a woman or an ant - that he/she/it has to stand on his/her/it's own 2/6 feet and take responsibility for their actions or the actions of their hive.
Like the ant, mankind can sometimes have difficulty in squaring away the reality of a situation with their pre-conceived notions on how things "should be". This can be seen in sharp focus with the advent of the new "death phone" from Nokia. Although the idea of a phone that can contact the dead may at first seem like a good idea, owners of the device are finding out that this blessing may, in fact, be a bear in sheep's clothing (wool). It seems, in the end, that it's time for Nokia to stand on it's tendrils and take their share of the responsibility for the ever increasing tsunami of irritation they have unleashed.
The first ten-thousand units of Nokia's death phone - a name they are trying to "bury", encouraging consumers to call the phone by it's official name the "N-Counter" - were shipped early in quarter two of 2008, and after initially good response things started going wrong for Nokia.
Customers began complaining that certain members of the afterlife were calling them in the middle of the night and asking them what time it was. Multiple reports of phones being called constantly, for hours on end, with only a single phrase being shouted upon answering: "Fuck the living!". It seemed, to those who had parted with their hard earned cash for this prestige gadget, that The Dead were mostly idiots.
We spoke to Nokia and managed to get the following response, off the record, from one anonymous tipster:
"It's not as though they're all idiots, it's just there's lots of people who are both dead and idiots, and with no reprisals for their actions they just go about acting like dicks all the time."
Like previous Nokia "revolutions" in the N-Series, such as the N-Gage, the N-Trance and the N-Trails, the N-Counter has promised great things but ended up little more than a mobile phone.
New from Panasonic, Chrono Clogs, are an ingenious new footwear that allow you to stroll through time as though it were possible. The shoes work as normal foot coverings in normal use but by walking perpendicular to reality you can travel through time itself, visiting ancient Rome and the distant future as easily as you could walk to Swindon. The shoes, as you might expect come with a hefty price tag, but this is purely a security measure, and the price written on the tag is a very reasonable £69.99.
