Science

Like a well trained dog, sniffing through refuse for cocaine, cannabis or heroin; Science stalks the effects of actions and the processes of nature. With Science we are able to find out just what is going on in this crazy world and it gives us the chance to really put our fingers on the trigger of the truth gun - shooting the torso of mystery and dealing a fatal head shot to myth. Science truly is the greatest metaphorical animal of them all. Greater, indeed, than the cat of fortune or the duck of coincidence.

So, let us take our scalpel and dissect this four-legged canine of discovery. Let us inspect the heart of experimentation, the lungs of inspiration, the kidney of looking at things and the testicles of competing theories.

Science - An Overview

Hatred is, and always has been, an important motivational force in science. The feeling that you would, not only gladly kill, but that it would actually arouse was the foundation to many of the most amazing discoveries throughout the ages. Data has clearly demonstrated that the greatest scientists have always been recently spurned lovers, sufferers of bipolar disorder, rape victims or some combination of those.

Einstein spent most of his mid-twenties in constant fear that he would be anally penetrated by the director of the patent office that he worked at. This fear, realised almost daily, drove Einstein on to create The General Theory of Relativity, The Special Theory of Relativity and the lesser known Overly Specific Theory of Relativity which applied only to one particular apple that Einstein kept in a box in his study. Without this constant threat that he would be asked to come in to the office for a “deep body search” many believe that Einstein would never have realised his full potential.

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Intelligent Design: Destroyer of Evolution?

An up and coming contender to the theory of evolution is an idea called "Intelligent Design". This hypothesis states that some kind of intelligence created all life, as it is too complex to have "just happened". Although many of the proponents of this theory happen to be Christian Fundamentalists it is hard to simply brand the theory as "Obviously Religious Idiocy Parading as Science".

Among the many arguments for ID is the following thought experiment:

Imagine a tornado blowing through a scrap yard. It is completely infeasible for us to expect that the random blowing about of mechanical items would ever form something as complex as a Boeing 747. However, we are expected to believe that random mutations over time formed human beings who are much more complicated than a 747.

Admittedly this is not so much an argument for Intelligent Design as it is a fallacious and misleading argument against evolution but the point still stands. Despite not having the ability to fly it is hard to argue against the claim that human beings are more complicated than a plane.

As we all know, evolution clearly states that we randomly evolved from monkeys and, before that, rocks. It is, as they say, infeasible.

Some scientists arrogantly dismiss ID out of hand, stating that is not science because it

"cannot be tested by experiment, does not generate any predictions, and proposes no new hypotheses of their own."

but that's just being picky - You could make the same argument about babies (except for the bit about experimenting on them) but those same scientists would not dare suggest that we should kill every child in the world. The hypocrisy of the status quo rears again.

One of the most insightful and revealing books that explain Intelligent Design is "Of Pandas and people", a scientific tome that explores the strong foundational evidence for ID and points out the structural weaknesses in evolution - the foundations of which, it turns out, are entirely composed of jelly.

Although an excellent textbook it does drop the ball slightly in one chapter, in which the title of the book is mistaken for one of the tenets of evolution. This segment, impeccably researched and written, spends a total of fifty-seven pages destroying the myth that pandas and people are identical in every way. The chapter rails hard against the claim and can, perhaps, be summed up with the first three sentences from the chapter itself:

"Pandas are nothing like people. They are covered in hair ALL OVER and eat mainly bamboo. No people I've ever met have even tasted bamboo!"

This chapter has since been removed from further editions.

All in all, this seems like a very exciting and promising scientific idea. Let's hope things develop on this front. Disinfranchise, as ever, will keep you posted.

Factsheet: The Solar System

For those of you who want a handy quick reference guide to the planets (and star) within our solar system you're in luck!

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